I know you. I’ve been you. Your heart aches to share your life with the one. The one who will hold your hand, calm your soul, capture your heart.
I’ve so many things I want you to hear. So many things I want you to know—deep down, where our secrets lay buried.
No. A husband won’t complete you. He won’t make you whole. You don’t need a man to survive. But you already know these things because you’re beautifully intelligent and passionately created.
Yet your heart still yearns to share your life with Prince Charming.
Don’t let anyone tell you that’s not okay. Because wanting a husband? There’s not a single thing wrong with that desire.
But marrying the wrong husband, just because you’re scared to live a life on your own? You’ll cleave your heart to the hammer pounding you into a million shattered pieces.
I watch you. In my classroom. In my life. In the world. I watch you willingly give yourselves to less than you’re worth. And my soul squeezes tight for the tears you will shed.
Marriage is beautiful and ugly, tender and fierce, and if you were my daughter, there would be some quiet things I’d want you to hear.
Will you lean close?
Because I have the whispered questions your heart needs to ask of any man you choose. Questions that draw a chasm between just any guy and a man who could be your Prince Charming. Questions that may be painful to answer true. Questions worth the asking because your life is worth the answers.
Does he see you? He won’t understand all of you. Not like your best girls do. Women are created to be stunning mysteries full of wonder. It’s why he’s drawn to you. But does he really see you? Or is he trying to change you into something he wants you to be?
Can you twirl and spin and be your most authentic self when you’re with him? Because forever is a long time to live as someone you were never meant to be.
Does he help you be your best self? Do you regret the things you do or say in his presence? Or does he lovingly help you with the wise choices. Choices that empower and strengthen you.
Does he make you feel beautiful? All the time? Even when you’re sweaty or have a messy bun or a face without paint. Even when you can barely acknowledge your beauty to yourself. Does he say you’re stunning? Because you are. And if he only ever points out flaws, you will never stop spinning to achieve a nonexistent definition of beauty.
Does he make you laugh? Gut-busting, belly-laughing giggles. A marriage without laughter is no marriage. It’s a prison.
Would he be a good father? Because you don’t have to want children to ask this question. Because a man who can love children, is a tender man that will hold your heart with gentle hands.
Does he appreciate how strong you are? Or is he intimidated, taking every moment to make you feel smaller because you’re a woman?
Is grace a word he understands? Because mistakes will always be made. Meals will be burnt. Important things will be forgotten. Feelings will be crushed.
Can you trust him? I mean right now. Can you trust him? Trust can be built, but it’s a tall mountain to climb. Are you both willing? And if the same trust is broken again and again and again, a ring on your finger doesn’t suddenly keep him honest.
Does he protect you? Your emotions. Your worth. Your heart. Your body. Do you know if your every part is safe in his hands?
Does he know how to wipe your tears? Or does he just laugh and call you emotional?
Do you share the same beliefs? Does he love Jesus like you do? Faith doesn’t promise a strong marriage. But unless he shares your faith, there will be an entire piece of your soul he will never understand. And that will always hurt.
Are you a team? Because now that you’ve asked these questions of him, can he ask them of you?
No man is perfect. And no couple is guaranteed a marriage of bliss.
The hard work of partnering for life? It only just begins with I do. But saying those two words to a man who doesn’t understand that love is a choice? That love is always a verb? My heart aches that you would consider yourself worthy of anything less.
Because you are worthy of a Prince Charming.