Having ADHD doesn’t faze me—most days. I don’t even think about it—most days. It’s part of me. Part of my fabric, my tapestry.
But some days? It just sucks.
There are days it can drag me deep down into the abyss of anxiety and depression. Because it does that. Did you know that’s how it often manifests itself in adults? So. Yeah.
The source of my darkest days boils down to brain synapses that don’t move fast enough in a life that moves in the world of smartphones and WiFi.
The movie Up? Not on my top ten list. But that dog? And the SQUIRREL moments? Genius.
It exactly describes my life. Which is sometimes no laughing matter.
I’m late for everything. All the time. “Get up earlier. Plan ahead. Try organizing a bit more.” All of those things. Even when I can accomplish those tasks, it doesn’t matter. I’m still late. It’s embarrassing.
ADHD adults don’t get special accommodations at work.
My brain stutters. I can be in the middle of a conversation and completely forget what I was talking about. I know. Mommy-brain. But it’s like mommy-brain that I’ve had since before kids, and it won’t go away as they get older.
So there’s that.
I’ve probably checked my phone, Internet, and looked up from my computer thirty times since I sat down 30 minutes ago to begin typing.
I’m at Starbucks wondering what the older woman sitting in front of me does for a living because she looks to be in her 60s with incredibly sassy heals, fabulous scarf, and color coordinating tights. I mean. She’s got more fashion sense than my right foot.
See? Right now I’m trying to drown out the sound of the people next to me and loud buzzing of the espresso machine. Did I mention funky music?
Wow. Colorful spandex just walked in.
Why not write from home? Because, believe it or not, the distractions are way worse. Mommy, mommy, mommy. And the load of laundry I washed yesterday needing to be rewashed. Look. There’s some dust. Let me take care of that. You mean kids have to eat dinner?
Squirrels? They’re constant.
Procrastination is the hardest to deal with. Did you know I have rolls of film that have never been developed? I think the last roll was from over twelve years ago. A wedding I was in—the bride and groom are no longer married.
Right now I’m wondering if you’re as in love with Humans of New York as I am? Because his photography and view of humanity is nothing short of inspiring.
Then there’s having to accomplish projects and long-term tasks
Can’t keep my eyes off a sweet momma and her baby sleeping up on her shoulder. Are you confused yet? Try living in this brain for a while. It’ll flat wear. you. out.
Because it never stops. Never.
I think I just checked Facebook for the bazillionth time.
Living with ADHD is hard. Sometimes I medicate. Sometimes I don’t. It really just depends on how fast I’m spiraling through the pressures of normal life. It depends on whether or not my coping skills are worn out. It depends on whether I want to feel normal or feel like myself.
Today’s post? A little, okay—a lot, wonky. But maybe you can relate? Or maybe you know someone who has ADHD. Maybe it’s your own son or daughter. Maybe my ramblings today give you just a glimpse?
Like I said. Most days are awesome. I’m even grateful for this ability to see the world in such a different way.
But some days? It gets the best of me.
Sassy shoe woman just left, and I’m late to pick up my son from basketball.